Secret Police / Don't Speak

How badass would it be to be part of a secret police? Huh? It'd be pretty badass, right? Yes, but there is a downside. It's not the morality or ethics of the job. I can deal with pummeling a guy or yelling at schoolchildren to get on the ground. That I can handle. The part that would get me in trouble is much more selfish. Petty even. It's that I'd want to tell everyone that I work for the secret police, and I wouldn't be able to. When I say I'd tell everyone, I mean everyone. The people I see on the street, the people I ride the bus with, my co-workers, even that douchebag Kyle who mumbles to himself. I'd tell him, then probably smack him with my secret police baton.

See, when you're a secret policeman, with your secret benefits and secret health insurance, you can't just go around and brag to the world that you are in the same field as the Gestapo or KGB. For one, people tend to react negatively about that. Especially when I accidentally let slip to my Jewish friend Norm Gordon of my profession. He let slip some profanities and punches. Two, the point of a secret police is that no one should know of its actual existence. We're the guys who raid your house at night at kidnap you in your PJs, we can't be seen as everymen. We need to be the boogiemen. And this is the inherent problem of being a secret policeman.
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I was in my car the other day at a stop light. Anyway, at this halt to my excessive speeding, I turned on the radio station that specializes in playing light rock from the 90s to today. I need to listen to this every now and then because my high-stress life requires Matchbox Twenty and John Mayer on occasion.

So here I was at this damn red orb of no movement when the song came on.

"You and me, we use to be together, everyday together always..."

In case you haven't inferred already, this melodious voice was coming from Gwen Stefani during her No Doubt days, and the song being "Don't Speak." Now I've been listening to this song for years, not continuously, but with a few breaks in between. This listen was different, normally I can just sing the lyrics and enjoy the song without thinking about it. But this was a long red and I was far behind the first car below the light and I started paying attention.

Damnit if this isn't the most depressing song ever. Sure, Gwen sings it perfectly and the instrumental part is classic, but if you listen to the song, you'll cry your heart out. It's ten times worse if you can empathize with it, which I can, sort of.

This had me thinking. This is one of those powerful, meaningful songs that can be used to make a moment or situation incredibly poignant. Except, this is about a very, very specific situation. It's about Gwen's relationship with No Doubt guitarist Tony Kanal and the heartbreak they suffered after their 7-year relationship ended. This emotionally driven song is sung with all of Gwen's heart and sticks with you after it's over.

So after I was done crying and the women in the car next to me stopped looking at me oddly, I hit the gas. Then something hit me.

I wanted to use this song. At that moment, I would've been willing to start a loving, long-term relationship with someone, likely a woman, and then break up with her after about three years or so, perhaps during our engagement, just so I can use this song and make me feel like it was written for me. I'd send her the song via email, and make her cry. But she'd probably thank me later for finding such a perfect song for our situation. Then I'd lip-synch over the song and make a YouTube video and send it to all my friends.

"Oh my God, that song was soooooo written for you," my friend Jessica would say.

"I know," I'd reply back with a grinning emoticon.

Just as quickly as these thoughts came, they went away. I drove on down the road when the next song came on.

It was Jumper by Third Eye Blind.

"I wish one of my friends were suicidal..." I thought.