More Than Paradise

Adam sighed. He was in a mental struggle, one quite frustrating and painful. He had been at war with conflicting emotions for some time now and just when he thought he had the answer, it slipped away like it had always done. Adam also would question why he was in this strained state, as he was granted practically everything to him upon birth. He came from dust, named the animals, and lived in absolute paradise. Yet still, with all these privileges, he was empty. His problem was one that could not be fixed with a nighttime prayer, no matter how close to Him he was. This was his problem, one that he knew not the solution, and because of this, he lay in grass, frustrated and in pain.

It had become a daily pilgrimage for Adam. Wake up, eat, do some calisthenics, and travel to the hill that over looked the grasslands. The hill was not mountainous, but it provided Adam with a view that he could admire. He oversaw miles of lush grass, peach trees, and small oasis's. It gave him some calm, but only briefly before the thoughts flooded in again. When they returned, he would lay back and watch the billowing but non-threatening clouds roll by. Eventually, the clouds passive movements lulled him into a midday nap.

From there he dreamt.

In his dreams he saw darkness that never existed in the lands that he lived in. There were black skies everywhere, and far off screams of terror that penetrated deep into him. The shrillness from these yells gave him a head-to-toe shiver that frightened him. They were high-pitched and cackling and they hit him like ice water. And they never stopped. He ran hard in his dreams, always trying to get away from the skies that seemed to get lower and lower to the ground. The ground was barren, his feet hitting hard dirt with every stride. It was a visual representation of the conflict brewing in his mind day in and day out. It scared him to death. In this nightmare he knew why he was really running. He was trying to be a savior, trying to help when there was no help to be needed. He was acting selfless, altruistic even, as he ran, knowing that somewhere out there in the darkness, she needed him.

But he always woke up before he could save her.

Now awake and shaken by his dreams, he waited for his friend to come along. His name was Zach, an archangel who had known Adam since The Creation. Adam always sensed Zach before he saw him, and that day he felt a warm sensation coming from the east. He turned right and saw a beautiful figure soaring toward him. With eyes so blue they put the sky to shame, and wings so large they could swallow the sun, Zach was a sight to behold. He was covered in armor that was so tight-fitting it could have been a part of his body. His sword was shimmering in the daylight as he brandished it from its sheath. Though it be paradise, Zach was still wary of his surroundings, and refused to pocket the weapon while on earth with Adam. Zach's wings sped up as he came to a controlled landing, and his sandals made a soft imprint into the ground. His presence had been made.

"How are you today, Adam?"

"Worse," Adam replied sullenly.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

They sat for a while and talked about their recent doings, meaning Zach was talking for most of the time. He spoke concisely and with a soft tone as he went about how he was fearing an uprising from longtime foes where he dwelt. When Adam asked for more details, Zach would suddenly declare the subject "nothing to be worried about." Adam knew this was an important matter, but knew Zach was trying not to burden him with anymore grief. Silent appreciation for this gesture was made by Adam. The two began to walk through the grasslands, picking fruit to eat as they went. Halfway through his fruit, Zach asked Adam about it.

"What did you decide to call this?"

"A plum."

"Plum. Well, it is very good."

There was a silence now as they walked. Adam knew what was coming next, Zach was simply gathering his words together.

"Would you like to talk about her?"

"I would. I don't know how though."

"Have you seen her lately?"

"Just three days ago."

"And?"

"And it reminded me of how much I love her. Since then I've only felt worse."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

Adam's pain derived from his love of Eve. There existed no woman like her, both literally and figuratively. She was positively brilliant, a master of language and remarkable conversationalist. On top of that she brought Adam the only smiles that he got outside of viewing the beauty of nature around him. It did not matter that she walked about without a cloth upon her body, for her true beauty could not be observed with just the eyes. Adam knew that in this lonely world, God had meant for them to be together.

Alas, Eve did not reciprocate the feelings.

Adam was left in shambles. A broken man in paradise. The situation could not be more apparent, the answer more obvious. And yet, he was left to stay at the hilltop looking over the beautiful landscape and finding distractions for himself. He found an outlet for his sadness in the naming of things around him. From the fauna, to the flowers, to the fruit, to the fish. He named them all and cared for them. It was a creative way to keep his mind off of Eve, but it didn't help for long. When he began talking with Zach about his troubles, however, he found him to act as a conscious. He spoke the words that Adam did not want to hear, even though he knew them to already be true in his own mind. While Zach was quick to dish out the reality of Adam's dilemma, he still rooted for him, and so did many other angels above, according to Zach.

"Why can't she see it, Zach?"

"Perhaps because you two truly are not compatible."

"Do you believe that?"

"No. I don't."

"Has He been listening to me?"

"Of course. Always."

"And still I suffer."

"Everything happens for a reason."

This line had been told to Adam countless times, but it never did bring him comfort. He thought it might have just been his impatience. He didn't care. The two continued to walk in silence, this one more bearable, and it allowed Adam to relax to a degree. He had prayed every night for relief, for things to be better, and for this he would only be met with another nightmare and another tearful night. While he felt no physical pain from this ordeal, he hurt terribly. It was the sense that there was no hope for him, that no matter his accomplishments, there would always be that piece missing from his existence. What is life without love? This question had stumped Adam for the longest time, and the fact that he had no answer to it only added to his pain.

How could God do this to him?

"You blame God for this," Zach stated calmly.

"I do, but I don't want to."

"I know. I also know you love Him deeply."

"Why couldn't He have just made things perfect?"

"What kind of existence is one without conflict?"

"What is life without love?"

They walked, both without answers to each other's questions. Adam's solemn demeanor was suddenly broken by what he saw ahead of him. He grabbed Zach's shoulder and pulled him down and over to a bush to conceal themselves. Adam's forward gaze was a silent gesture to Zach to see what lie ahead. A gorgeous flock of flamingos were gathered no more than 100 feet from Adam and Zach. They were interacting with one another around a pool of water, cleaning themselves and taking their drinks as they groomed. Their plumage was a vibrant mix of white and pink, without a single speck of dirt on them. They were magnificent, allowing Adam to forget all things for just the briefest moment.

"They're flamingos."

"They're incredible."

After a few more moments of mesmerized observing, the two took about to turn around and head back to the hill. Adam continued to walk as an empty vessel, a man with nothing left in him. Zach sensed his worsening state, but could not think of how to help his friend. He wished nothing more than for Adam to be happy once more, like how he was in days old, but he knew that would be an Adam he may not see again.

"Zach."

"Yes, Adam?"

"Thank you for visiting me so often these days."

"Oh, you're welcome."

"I can't imagine how someone could go through this without someone to talk to. I really appreciate it."

"I wish I could do more."

"I know. But you've done all that you could do. That's enough."

Adam, in truth, wished Zach could do more, but he knew these were hopes that could be tossed away like all of his others. So they continued on through the ankle-high grass, talking of things that a man and an angelic being talk of. Both quietly enjoying each other's company. While Zach could never fully understand the love that Adam felt for Eve, he tried his best to sympathize. Adam's was a love that had never existed before. His was one that sought to protect Eve from any dangers, to provide for her and keep her healthy. He wished to always be by her side, to hold her when she was in pain and hold her still when the pain had passed. He loved her unconditionally to an extent that she may never know, but all this was fruitless. She loved him not, and with all these feelings and nothing to do with them, Adam spent his days in idleness, keeping his suffering silent outside of his discussions with Zach. He knew that Eve would never feel real pain and that danger would never be on her doorstep, but it did not matter to Adam. He wanted to a be her knight in a dragonless world.

Through all this, Adam never felt any hatred toward Eve. He could never imagine how he ever could, he could never bring himself to it. Eve was the only one for him, in all ways possible. And while he could know that fact until the day he died, he would only know it from his spot on the hill where he sat alone day after day.

"Why does she not love me, Zach? I understand you have difficulty grasping what I feel and everything, but if you could try and, I don't know, just, why do you believe Eve and I are not together?"

"You've dedicated yourself to her, correct?"

"Yes. Fully."

"Eve, however, has dedicated her life toward other things. Literature, Art, Nature. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Adam, but from what I can see, these are the things she truly loves."

Adam's eyes stung. Tears had begun to swell up and were threatening to let themselves loose. He didn't want to cry in front of Zach. Adam wanted to save him from the grief that Zach had so politely protected him from earlier. They reached the top as the sun was setting over the grasslands. They both watched as the sky became painted in swipes of orange and red. Adam contemplated his situation, wondered where he would be when he woke up tomorrow. If he would be in a happier place or still in a lonely would where Eve was a fruit that could never be touched. Either way he would have to keep on living his life, it would just be a little more difficult by himself. If only things were as he wished, as he prayed for. If only he were with Eve.

"I love her so much, Zach."

"I know. I guess not even paradise can be perfect. However, I think you need to see her again."

"And say what to her?"

"Say the things you tell me. Say what is always on your mind."

"I've told it all to her before."

"Perhaps you need to be more forceful. Explain that you love her for exactly who she is. Make her understand everything you wish to offer to her."

"That sounds like I'm pressing this upon her."

"You're forcing her to realize the truth. She simply does not realize that despite the love she has for her other pursuits, her true love has gone unrequited for too long, and he's suffering horribly."

"I'm not sure, Zach."

"You're afraid, Adam. Why?"

Adam felt the first of many tears stream down his cheeks. This flash flood of vulnerability embarrassed Adam, and Zach knew it, but he asked him again.

"Why are you afraid to tell her this?"

"Because, because I'm afraid if she says "No." I can't bear to hear that again. That would be worse than the nightmares I have, then the loneliness I feel now, and that's what scares me."

"I think you two were made for each other in more than one way, Adam. Until you make her realize that, you will continue to find yourself on this hill everyday."

"You believe that?"

"Yes."

"I thought you archangels couldn't sympathize with this kind of love."

"I'm surprised myself."

Adam did not know what to do. He was inspired by his friend's surprising words, but the fear of rejection and uncertainty still petrified him. His thoughts were battling again, two conflicting feelings engaging in an epic fight. He looked at the sunset once more as its warm colors fell upon paradise. It was a sunset that he determined would be the last spent alone on that hilltop. He would be alone no longer, he refused to be. He loved Eve to the ends of the earth and knew her to be the most amazing woman that would set foot upon it. He would never give up on her.

"Adam?"

"Yes, Zach?"

"What if she says "Yes"?"

Adam smiled, "That would be more than paradise could ever offer."